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Booty and the Bling

by Maharani

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1.
Rowin' a boat on the river Styx I was told to ferry the hicks Sometimes I need a fix Or at least some sweet guitar licks Don't too often see good-lookin' chicks Most people I transport are pricks I have permission to delete them with two clicks You should see them excretin' those bricks It's all merry in our underworld pandemo- nium, everyone is calling out "behold and Lo" We make people dance by shooting bullets between their shoes If they behave, I take them for a cruise Wager whose service is cheaper Mephistopheles or the Grim Reaper? I'm bound to tell you if you enter here You can't go back to the atmosphere We don't judge you, whatever you've done But we might barbecue you for fun You're here forever, if all hell breaks lose You might hurt but won't retain even a bruise It's all merry in our underworld pandemo- nium, everyone is calling out "behold and Lo" We make people dance by shooting bullets between their shoes If they behave, I take them for a cruise In my back I feel a painful sting Guess I wasn't supposed to sing Turns out it's Lucifer's trident He says he shouldn't have been confidin' In me to act all sinister He didn't think I was such a jester Is there a lesson to learn For someone who's going to burn?
2.
This is someone's blues and I hope it's not MINE Because I'm built near WATER I'm trying to figure out whose thoughts I'm THINKING. Whose ship is SINKING? I need to help them but I can't SWIM Whom should I call for HELP? Meanwhile the victims are biting the KELP or at least those of them who were even able To leave the SHIP, survival chances were SLIM from the start on this fatal TRIP Guess we're all doomed, nowhere to go, not unlike this verse, only half a QUARTER To go. On the other end I can see the sun SHIIINE Here we go, the backing track doesn't sound like sunshine anyMORE, Finding rhymes is such a CHORE, wonder whether anyone noticed The ABCDDCBA rhmye scheme that the previous verse emPLOYED The good Dr. FREUD would've enJOYED my breaking the fourth wall Yes, that's right, his name is not FRUIT, guess to whom I'm about to alLUDE? You called it, the good Dr. SEUSS. As you can tell from my VOICE His name does not rhyme with JUICE, do English-SPEAKING people think only of eat-and-DRINKING?, It's on the NEWS, like the ship SINKING... the one that I mentioned before Tell you about the days when I fought a lion with my bare hands, She was a bit importunate, only wanted to cuddle But I was on my way to the night club, didn't want to miss the polonaise, Which I told her, she was unforGIVING, said "how'm I supposed to make a LIVIN'" We aGREED to MEET later and for ME not to CHEAT, looked down to my FEET, Knew I'd never HATE HER, but though I was in love I knew I shouldn't DATE HER She looked soft and fluffy but I was just a human, she a lioness. As FATE would have it, I got very high and lost at the CLUB, hoped she didn't get SHOT.
3.
The Long Run 02:38
It's a long way to go, a long way to run 15 million miles in the sun yet I'm not sure Where to go or what to do when I'm there, not to keen on a love affair I'm in love with myself Which you really got to be on a journey like this, no books upon a shelf Where's your fantasy now? A moment of bliss As I spy an oasis, no way sis! I'm dying, a chance to get clean, hygiene comes first, second is thirst Is that an apparition? Sorry girl, I'm on a mission to get out of here, which way do I steer? Lost my orientation during the war Which I can't remember when I fought... sorry, catch you later. Back to terra cognita, I'm roaming my home town Gotta love the sound of the city, she's singing a ditty For me and for you, she's giving us a clue but I'm hopelessly lost Please, can we just make love? I know I'm sweating but it's okay I brought you a present, the feathers of a pheasant It doesn't get more romantic than that, you can put them on a hat Even if it's the only thing you wear If there's just one thing I've learned on my odyssey When nobody knows you, you can feel free If you meet a pheasant, don't remember after you're long gone Take some feathers for your special one, that's better in the long run.
4.
(Ah... yo... Schneeflocke Ah... We don't really work like that. Okay This song is about some damn fine booty... and some bling He's a really sweet... lovely man. Together they are the booty... the booty and the bling. Ah!) The other day I found myself a nice booty girl I made her mine, she was a nice addition to my world Guess what I saw on her head when the hairband unfurled? You guessed it, she had the most amazing set of curls I provided her with the necessary amount of bling Before, she was uncool; now we are queen and king We be strollin' and bouncin' like it ain't a thing On my right hand fingers I am wearing fourteen rings I give her two or three of them as a gift As a countermove she has to promise to get a facelift I saw her facial muscles twist and shift But in the end she agreed, I don't suffer of thrift. Afterwards I showed her around to my homeboys and friends They approved, she's corresponding to the current trends One of them had a hard time to keep to himself his hands He touched her booty, but that booty's mine I shoot him in the head for which I'll probably get a fine At the local burger restaurant we proceed to dine People wantin' autographs have to stand in a line Many of them have never seen so much bling before One of them looks like a really poor blighter, I give him four Four what? Four of my rings, and then he's shown the door. Hiphop is the only music that we're listening To, I appreciate the bass drum and a chicken wing Only one way to live my life and here's the thing: Booty and the bling, bling and the booty and the bling! On my way home, lots of things happened but here's the gist Gropin' my testicles like a REAL gangster as we kissed Didn't feel too good, I might have to see a urologist... ...One of my balls is bidin' farewell, he will be sorely missed All in all, a normal - might say typical day Standin' at her door, she asks me "you wanna stay?" I have to refuse so my response is "nay" I'll find another booty girl with ease tomorrow, anyway. (Yo... I'm-a let you finish... But Kanye West had the best hiphop albums of all time... of all time.)
5.
Shorty, I think your tits are way too big I'm not black, so I'm wearing an afro wig Anyways, maybe you should go and have 'em deflated With a vacuum cleaner, now won't that leave you frustrated?! Bitches, you ain't got no class Tryna come up here like you got some kinda ass, haha! Man, you are really dumb Even got no rule of thumb And look at all y'all Tryna come up here, dance like it's some sort of ball. Nigger your booty ain't shit! Look at mine, it's an enormous tit! Bitches, you ain't got no ass Tryna come up here like you got some kinda class, haha! Man, you are really dumb And even got no rule of thumb And look at all y'all Tryna come up here, dance like it's some sort of ball - BALL!

credits

released August 2, 2011

All tracks written, produced, recorded, mixed and mastered by Maharajah.

All drums written by Maharajah and mixed by Navillus.

All tracks performed by Maharajah except for "Outtakes That Didn't Make It (We Put the Moron in Oxymoron)" performed by Maharajah and Chris "Brown" LaCasse.

Kanye West painting by Casey Bishop. (all other art by yours truly)

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Maharani Pasadena, California

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